Painful Memories
by epiphanies
Summary: History of Magic has a trip to Godric's Hollow. Hmm. (Note: Not finished well cause of lost inspiration. Has four chapters)
1. Default Chapter

Painful Memories

  
  


Chapter 1

  
  


*This is based in Harry's seventh and final year at Hogwarts, and they are doing a History of Magic trip to Godric Hollow. Just starting out, I want to see what my reviews are like.*

  
  
  
  


Harry sighed as he listened to Professor Binns drone on about a warlock in the twentieth century who worked against Voldemort. 

He had heard it all before.

This man died to save his family...this man saved his child from his clutches but died in the process...this woman died trying to defeat Voldemort...

It was all the same story.

He, of all people, knew that story.

It was his story.

He was the only living wizard known to have survived Voldemort's wrath, getting away from him nearly a dozen times now.

He had met Voldemort first when he was one year old, and his last encounter with the dark wizard had been when he had been defeated, at the end of his sixth year, by Albus Dumbledore and Arthur Weasley.

Things were a lot quieter around the Hogwarts grounds this year, mainly because in the past three years they had lost eight students to the Lord Voldemort.

In Harry's fourth year, it was Cedric Diggory, in his fifth, it was Padma and Parvati Patil, and in the sixth year they lost Justin Finch-Fletchley, Hannah Abott, Colin Creevey, and Katie Bell, as well as the Hogwarts gamekeeper, Hagrid, who had died trying to save the last four students.

Harry felt a wave of sadness wash over him as he remembered these students, all whom he was friends with.

Hogwarts just didn't feel the same.

It had always seemed like such a saviour, a blessing to get away from the Dursleys, but this year, he would have rather just moved out and gotten a job as a Muggle.

Magic didn't hold the same adventure as it had before, not now that it had taken the lives of eight of his closest friends...

Just then Harry was pulled out of his stupor, by the sound of his father's name.

"James Potter fought he who must not be named since the year that he graduated Hogwarts, as did his wife, Lily. They died sixteen years ago this week in Godric Hollow, as most of you know," Professor Binns glanced at Harry.

"We shall be taking a trip on Wednesday to the site where Godric's Hollow once stood." he finished.

Harry couldn't breathe.

Taking a trip to where his parents died?

To where Lord Voldemort lost his powers because of him?

He could feel Ron and Hermione staring at him in wonder, trying to figure out what his reaction would be.

He felt his face getting hot.

He raised his hand.

"Sir? Would there really be any historical value in this trip? I mean, it was only sixteen years ago..." Harry trailed, but knew he was losing a winning battle.

Professor Binns looked at him in what might have been pity.

"Mr. Potter, I assure you that it was a very amazing and special mark in history. Otherwise, why would your name be known throughout the wizarding world?"

Harry felt his blood boil, but then cooled down.

It was just a class trip.

Nothing bad...

Right?

Wrong.

He hadn't known his parents, and he hadn't known Voldemort, but somehow, the whole story and trip revolved around him.

He was the reason that they were going on the trip and it was all his fault.

Just then, the bell rang and everyone gathered their books and went to their next class.

On the way, he could see his classmates stare at him with a mixture of confusion, sympathy, and wonder.

"Are you going to go, then?" Ron asked him as they entered the Divination room.

Harry shrugged.

"I don't really want to talk about it."

Ron nodded understandingly and watched him for a moment before pulling his eyes up to where Professor Trelawny stood.

"Hello, my children. I feel the vibes telling me that you are not in the best of spirits. There shall be a trip that you are worried about." she said mistily, watching the class.

Lavender and Parvati nodded solemnly.

"To Godric Hollow, the place where the world's strongest magic occurred. But you all know that...Wednesday shall indeed be a day that none of you will ever forget."

Harry muttered, "You've got that right."

Hermione glanced at him worriedly.

"Today we shall be reading our fortunes with the crystal balls. Look deep into it's depths, watch for any movement at all. It may mean something. Please begin..." Trelawny said, waving her arm to the class, and sat down dramatically on her cushioned chair.

"These crystal ball sure know how to predict the weather, all right...Hey! Harry, do you think it'll show anything about Wednesday?" Ron said, slight excitement in his voice.

Harry shrugged again.

"Maybe, maybe not. I don't really care."

Harry slammed his book shut, and picked up his bag.

"Professor? I need to go see Professor McGonagall."

Trelawny stared up a him, bug eyed.

"Mr. Potter, I assure you that you will have enough time later. She is busy at the moment, for a student of hers has accidentally turned herself into an oversized pincushion, so she will have no time for this..."

Harry coughed.

"I promise you, Professor, this is very important!"

"Sorry, Mr. Potter, but you'll just have to wait until the end of class."

Harry lost it.

"Fine! I asked, you answered, I'm going!"

He walked briskly out the trapdoor, ignoring her protests, and went to see Dumbledore.

He had to know why they had to take that trip.


	2. Chapter 2

Painful Memories

  
  


Chapter 2

  
  
  
  


*I know that Herm doesn't take divination, but I don't care. This is my fanfic and she's gonna be there, even if she doesn't wanna be....OH! I know why she's there! Because, after she found out that Trelawny made two accurate predictions, she decided to give it another try. Besides, the school had to make her finish off the term that she missed in the third year that she needed to pass!:)*

  
  
  
  


Harry approached the oak door that led to the Headmaster's office, he felt his heart plunge.

He knew that Dumbledore had been noticing the lack of enthusiasm in his spirit this year.

Well, it isn't my fault, he thought angrily, I've lost eight friends in three years. How much enthusiasm am I supposed to have about learning about the one thing that took my friends away?

At least you still have Ron and Hermione, a little voice inside him said.

He shook his head.

More like they have each other.

Ron and Hermione had gotten together (finally!) In the sixth year, right after Hermione had saved Ginny's life.

They had been joined at the hip since.

They had each other.

Harry had no one.

He knew that he was the third wheel, but what could he do?

They were his best friends.

Just as he was about to knock on the door, it swung open.

To Harry's absolute shock and surprise, there stood Severus Snape.

A few years ago, this would have been a normal and dreadful thing, but ever since Snape had been sent off by Dumbledore to do a 'mission', he hadn't been seen since.

"Potter?" Snape breathed.

He looked like death.

"P-Professor Snape?" Harry said, trying to keep his voice under control, "I thought you were..."

"Dead? No, Harry. Severus is just fine. Please come in." Dumbledore appeared from behind Harry's former Potions teacher.

"What did you come to see me for, Harry?" Dumbledore sat down behind his desk and stared at Harry, his eyes twinkling.

"Oh...Um...Oh! I was wondering about the Godric Hollow trip..." Harry trailed, watching Snape closely.

He just didn't seem the same.

He seemed....happy.

Happy to be alive.

For he was staring around at the ceiling and walls, examining trinkets that framed the door.

He seemed fascinated by everything around him.

"Yes? What about it?" Dumbledore was giving him the question of the doubt.

Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Well, I was wondering...Do I have to go?"

Snape's eyes shot up from the carpet.

"Of course you do. Don't think for a moment that you have special privileges here, Potter. You're the reason that the trip is happening..." 

Dumbledore held up his hand to silence the ageing teacher.

"Severus, please. Now, Harry. I know that it will be difficult for you, but even know, having fought and met Lord Voldemort numerous times, you still have to face the facts. You don't know everything about the Dark Lord. You have to face what happened..." he said wisely.

"But that's where my parents died! They died to save me, sir! I don't want to have to see that, face to face! It would be too painful!" Harry cried.

Dumbledore looked at him, pity in his kind eyes, but shook his head.

"I'm sorry Harry. It's something you have to face, whether you want to or not. You still have a lot of questions, and this trip will answer them."

"But to have all my classmates there! How could I control what I feel in front of them? I don't want to break down in front of my entire year when I'm supposed to be Harry Potter, the boy who lived, a brave Gryffindor! How could I handle my emotions?" Harry said desperately.

Dumbledore shook his head once more.

"Just do what you have to do, Harry. Do what you have to do. I must ask you to leave now, because I have to have a talk with Severus here. Thank you for coming to me with this problem, but you will see why I have made this decision. Good day, Harry."

*

Harry found himself wandering around the Hogwarts grounds, jogging off his anger.

Why couldn't people see the pain that it would put him in?

Why wouldn't they understand?

When he came to the lake, he stopped and sat on a bench.

I am so much different than I used to be, he realized.

I'm matured, he told himself, but he couldn't believe it.

He was shut down.

His head tilted over to where Hagrid's hut stood, untouched since the last time that the half-giant had entered it, and he felt a swell of regret and pain wash over him.

Hagrid was the first person of the magical community that he had met, other than before his parents died.

He had saved Harry from the life at the Dursleys.

And what did Harry do to pay him back for all that kindness?

He let him die, trying to protect his students.

Harry could feel the hot tears cascading down his cheeks now, but he didn't care.

In front of him stood eight memorial stones, each marked with a different name.

Each name meant nothing.

The people were gone.

It had been three years since Cedric, but it had only been about five months since Hagrid, Katie, Justin, Hannah, and Colin.

Colin.

His talkative little shadow that had grown up to be so strong and handsome, and one of Harry's closest friends. They used to joke and talk about the way that Colin admired Harry in the first few years of his Hogwarts career.

Now his shadow was gone.

And so was everything else.


	3. Chapter 3

Painful Memories

  
  


Chapter 3

  
  


*Ok, I know that Harry's seeming quite depressed, but don't worry! Things will all work out right in the end...*

  
  
  
  


As Harry stared out at the lake, he felt a shadow cover him.

Beside him stood...

Draco Malfoy.

Harry quickly wiped his tears from his face and frowned.

"What do you want?"

Draco smirked.

"Nothing."

"Good. Go away."

"Last time I checked, it was a free country."

Harry flushed and turned to face him.

" Yes, and that's no help from you, either. If Voldemort had risen and taken over the world, it would all be about death and dictation. You support that, so why not live by your own rules?"

Draco's smirk widened.

"Because, Potter. If we had won, then we would be the ones dictating, and you would be either following our orders or dying. So, that being said, either way, I'm not moving."

Draco sighed, and pulled out a cigarette.

Harry watched him closely.

"Didn't know you smoked." he muttered.

Draco sat beside him, and blew a cloud of smoke in his face.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Potter. No one does, and I'd like to keep it that way."

Harry nodded.

"Same here."

They sat in silence for a while.

"You want one? You seem depressed." Draco offered.

Harry couldn't believe his ears.

Draco, being nice?

Well, he thought, if you take a cigarette offer to be nice...

Oh, what the hell.

Everyone dies sometime.

Why not sooner than later?

Harry nodded, and pulled out a slim white cigarette from the pack.

"Lung cancer, here I come." he muttered as he ignited it from his wand.

Just as he was about to raise it to his lips, he heard a screech from behind him.

A white hand reached down in front of him, pulled the cigarette out of his hands, broke it in half, and dropped it on the ground.

Harry turned around angrily to see-

Hermione.

Hermione, who was (for once) not with Ron, and had a look of disbelief on her face.

"Harry! What do you think you're doing? Hanging out with Malfoy? Smoking? Do you have any idea what that does to your lungs and teeth?"

Harry stared down at his shoes.

Hermione softened.

She touched his shoulder gently.

"Look, Harry, this has been a hard year. I know what you're going through..."

"No! No, Hermione, you don't. You don't have to live with the fact that one of your closest friends is dead, that your teacher died to save a bunch of people who died anyways, and have to go see where you parents died because of you! You don't know how I feel." he exploded.

Hermione pulled her hand back, looking shaken.

"Harry....look. If you want to talk...or anything...I'll be back in the common room." she said softly, shot a dirty look at Draco, then bolted back to the Gryffindor tower.

Draco snorted.

"Some nerve she has." Harry spat, then immediately felt terrible.

She was just trying to help.

Draco seemed to read his mind.

"Don't feel bad, Potter. She doesn't. You know that."

Then he seemed to realize what he'd said, and quickly saved himself.

"I mean, so many bad things have happened to you that even your fame can't make up for it. That's bad, Potter."

Harry shrugged.

That was just the way things were, he was finding it.

Just the way things were.


	4. Chapter 4 (Finale)

Chapter 4

  
  
  
  


*This chapter intends on getting quite interesting....though possible tears to come:(:)*

  
  
  
  


The next few days were quiet, at least for Harry.

Hermione was still avoiding him, as was Ron since he stalked into the dormitory that same night, yelling that Harry had upset Hermione so much that she wouldn't even talk to Ron.

Well, too bad, thought Harry angrily, They could use some time away from each other anyways. They are turning into one another.

It had been two days.

Today was the day.

The day that Harry would see where his parents were killed.....where Harry defeated Voldemort unwillingly.....where Harry might have died.

I sure hope I won't make a fool out of myself, Harry thought worriedly and bitterly.

Just then, as he was (alone) on his was to History of Magic, where they would leave together to go to Godric Hollow, he heard footsteps behind him.

He didn't bother to turn around.

"Harry?" said two voices in unison, both tentative and worried.

Ron and Hermione, of course, Harry thought bitterly, They leave me alone for two days so I can worry myself sick about this and just when it's about to happen they try to make up.

Harry kept walking.

"Harry...please..." Hermione pleaded.

He turned around sharply.

She faltered.

"Say something or shut your mouth." he said simply.

His two "best" friends stared at him in astonishment.

And Harry didn't care.

He turned around, deciding that if they tried to talk to him today, that he would resist and ignore the two completely, the two that had made this awful situation even worse.

Why couldn't they just be sympathetic? He wondered, But no. They have themselves, so who cares if the third wheel drops off the face of the earth or feels pain? They have each other.

Harry bit his lip.

He had just reached the door, and wasn't feeling as brave as he had been.

He reached for the handle, and sighed inwardly.

Here I go, he thought, in a mixture of glum and fear.

  
  


*

  
  


Harry felt a tug at his bellybutton.

I hate Portkeys, he decided as they flew through the rush of green.

He felt himself thud onto the ground.

"Ugh." he groaned as he pulled himself up.

He saw his classmates knock the dirt off themselves out of the corner of his eye, but wasn't paying attention.

All he could do was stare.

Stare at the old pile of dirt and wood that had once been his own house.

There was a wooden fence around it and plaques up everywhere, memorials and info bits on who, what, when, why, and how questions.

He felt his classmates' stares burning into his neck, but he didn't care.

So this is it. This is all there is of the home and family I once had.

Harry felt himself become overwhelmed with emotion.

Will the pain of this ever stop? He wondered.

He stared at the plaque closest to him.

  
  


Lily and James Potter

1945-1973

As God's Angels,

Look Over Your Son

Never Forget Our Love, 

Brave Ones.

May You Rest In Peace

  
  
  
  


Harry couldn't move.

Who had written that?

Who had put up that plaque, a memorial of his parents?

Professor Binns floated forward.

"This was funded by Hogwarts, this plaque. We, as wizards, don't believe in gravestones as you know. These plaques are what lies above the actual brave beings that, in a way, defeated the Dark Lord for the first time ever."

Harry blinked.

This was where his parents were buried?

He had never known.

Why didn't somebody tell him.

Then it came to him.

Dumbledore.

Of course. What else could he have been talking about?

Harry edged closer, then climbed over the fence.

"Mr Potter! Get back here this instant!" Professor Binns shouted hoarsely.

"This is my house, my rules, sir." called Harry.

He wanted to see more.

But as soon as he got to what would have been the door, he felt a burst of pain pierce through his head.

He clutched his scar in agony, and fell to the ground.

"Harry!" Ron and Hermione yelled together, and he could hear them running towards him, over the fence and through the yard.

Hermione knelt over him.

"Harry....Harry. Please, come back to the group. It's too painful."

Harry nodded as his friends helped him up.

"You don't have to tell me that," he croaked, and climbed over the fence, shaking them off.

Then he shook his head, which was now pain-free.

"Thanks," he said quietly.

His friends shrugged, and smiled smally.

"I'm sorry I'm being such a git," he said, "I just.....don't know how to handle it. I mean, I know Voldemort is gone, but I still feel like I want to kill him. Me. Not anyone else, just me, and without our wands. I'd kill him with my bare hands."

Ron nodded, and Hermione, looking slightly taken aback, still smiled in agreement.

"It's ok, Harry. I was wrong in saying that I know how you feel. I just wanted to make you feel a bit better...sorry if I yelled at you...You know, out at the lake with Malfoy and the cigarettes." she scowled.

Harry laughed.

"That was a boorish thing to do. Sorry, Herm. Well, I didn't even get a chance to take a puff, thanks to you. I guess I should have been thankful, not angry."

Hermione nodded seriously.

"Well, I've seen enough, haven't you? Let's go back." Harry said to his best friends, and they walked back to the Portkey, arms linked.

  
  
  
  


FIN

  
  


*Sorry I have to end it there, but (as you may have been able to tell) I sort of lost my ambition and inspiration for this one! Sorry and thanks for the reviews!*


End file.
